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I assumed that today would be another routine Monday at work. I check Twitter to see if anything is happening, respond to a few emails, and compose a news article only to learn that the human regress has started. The McCrispy, a new gaming chair from McDonald’s, marks the beginning of our journey into ape territory.
Ronald, no. He didn’t teleport to a different dimension where McDonald is a well-known esports player. You may win McCrispy, a real, physical gaming chair, by taking part in the official McDonald’s Facebook Sweepstakes. There are just 4 in existence. Even if you shouldn’t see every streamer with dubious income wearing one of these, it could be a terrible potential for businesses to follow.
It comes in a nauseating black and yellow design with his McCrispy printed diagonally on the leather and matching lumbar support for his pillow. Of course, the black headrests have a giant M, and the wheels are also painted McDonald’s yellow.
It comes with a fries holder, two dip holders and a “burger heating zone” to keep McCrispy warm.
Worst of all, McDonald’s sells seats with an oil-resistant leather treatment, so you “never have to worry about spills or stains”. No table manners required and you can forget all the work you put into cleaning your gaming keyboard.
Never in his 30 years on this earth has McCrispy felt the need to keep warm. Imagine all the bacteria fermenting a burger for hours. Nor have I (or anyone I know) expressed a desire for a heat-generating gaming chair. A gaming chair is warm enough to just sit and work up a sweat while gaming. Gaming chairs usually advertise the opposite.